Taking A Break is Hard
The Challenges of Finding Time for Self-Care
Everyone needs a break from the day-to-day. That’s why we take vacations. However, we can’t necessarily take a vacation from our kids. Or at least I can’t. Although, I do have a dream that one day when my girls are older, we can leave them with family for a week to go on an epic adventure. By adventure, I refer to choosing wines from different regions I’m unfamiliar with as I lounge in or next to a pool. However, I digress. For the past 9 months, being Pey’s primary caregiver has been my new job. In the beginning, I struggled to find moments for self-care. It was easy to fall into a routine at the hospital where self-care was the same as meeting basic needs like showering or sleeping. My break from her care was spending the weekend with Big Sister. There was no one to take over to give me or my husband a break due to COVID-19 visiting policies. One of her doctors reminded me that it was important to take a break. I couldn’t bring myself to leave my 9-month old by herself. I already felt guilty enough running to the hospital lobby to pick up my food delivery for 5 minutes, let alone a real walk. It took a lot of convincing to find five to ten minutes to do something just for myself. Having that mental checkout where I could channel my anxiety, work out frustration, and de-stress was such a relief.
Now that we are at home, the schedule feels busier. Between feeds, naps, and picking up Big Sister from school, I now have to juggle all of Pey's appointments. It is overwhelming sometimes just thinking about all the places I have to take her during the week. It’s 24/7 nursing care while balancing all the other day-to-day things. Some days it's busy but manageable and other days I countdown the minutes until my husband is home to help me.
I hear from my family that I need to take a break but I don’t know if they realize how much “taking a break” entails. Going away from home even for a short time takes a lot of consideration and planning. I have to make sure I set aside the amount of formula for Pey’s feeds, program the pump so it only needs to be started, set an alarm of when to feed her and give instructions of what to do if she throws up. Then I have to plan the trip so I can get the most done in the shortest time. The hardest part about leaving the house without Pey is trusting and having confidence that instructions will be followed and no disasters happen. There is nothing like finding out a feed wasn’t completely given because the pump beeped and it was assumed that it was done. Trusting someone to care for Pey in my absence is a big ask.
Although I don’t feel capable of taking a break traditionally, I do take time for myself. If I feel overwhelmed, I work out a couple of hours to myself at the end of the day. I enjoy cooking for my family so having the time to prepare a meal with no interruptions (and maybe a glass of wine or cocktail) feels amazing. If I don’t feel like cooking then I read a book, watch a movie, work on a craft project, maybe take a nap, or whatever feels good at the time. Having that time to myself is a great way to get re-centered. Also having those short reprieves to get out of the house to run errands has been helpful too. If a store isn’t too crowded, I take my time strolling through different areas. I have spent an hour in Joann’s just going aisle by aisle browsing after it took me a mere three minutes to find what I needed from the store. Just having that time to wander and let my brain think of other things besides Pey, is so rejuvenating. I try to take these little moments of me-time.
It’s important when our world revolves around our child with cancer to take time for self-care whatever it entails (legally of course). Being in a pandemic has challenged some of us to rely on our support group in different ways. Although I have plenty of people willing to care for Pey and Big Sister, I don’t love the idea of taking the risk. Luckily, with the support of who I do have around, I have been able to take the time when I can find it. If things were different, I would take in a movie, take a drive up Pacific Coast Highway or go on a date night. If you feel overwhelmed, talk to someone and coordinate a time to get a break even if it’s just running an errand. Get a coffee and just sit in your car for 5 minutes listening to your favorite playlist or podcast. The old adage of taking the time to care for yourself before you can properly take care of others is true. We can’t be the best caregiver for our children when we are at our wit’s end. Sometimes it can be really hard to find that moment for yourself but even if it is brief, it is worth it. What’s your favorite self-care activity to decompress from caregiving? Leave it in the comments below.
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